Like a leaf changing in the fall, so were my opinions...
November 15, 2016
I used to care so much about other people’s opinions, that at time’s I found my own opinions started to change, like a leaf through it’s fall season.
My opinions would be formed into something replicable to the one’s I was given. I mean take play dough for instance, someone can make something and you can pretty much form the same thing if you are convinced that is was cool enough to do it.
This is toxic. And in today’s society I think it is occurring more than that balyage hair style (I currently have lol). Or more than the amount of hashtags that are being used on social media right now!
It’s toxic because we become less of who WE are and more of who society is.
Let’s take this for instance, you are watching a commercial and they are talking about how much better a ford is than a dodge. Or how a dodge is so much better than a ford. Your opinion based on this commercial has changed about one or the other has it not?
Or what about vaccinating your children. You read an article about why vaccinating your child is the answer, and an article about why vaccinating your child is dangerous. But we never really research what vaccination even are, what there ingredients are. OR we know everything about vaccinations! The point is by the end of these two articles, our opinions about vaccinating our children are completely altered.
What about marriage… you have a single person giving you marriage advice?
OR how about PARENTING. OH my lanta. The amount of opinions that stem from parenting is overwhelming.
What about all the opinions that society gives us? Literally like a dumpster full of opinions! And most of them are trash, so hmm that well makes sense.
For example, societies opinion about the latest fashion has such an impact on us that we feel we need to buy a new wardrobe every few months just to FIT IN.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion’s which is great! I couldn’t imagine being forced to an opinion, however in today’s society as much as we are entitled to our own opinion’s and we are supposed to have freedom of choice, there’s so much push as far as losing that entitlement and having our opinion’s moulded by the world around us. Like the world is literally trying to make us all cookie cutters. Ha that’s hilarious I know- but it’s so true!
The thing is I’m writing this because I was the girl who cared so much about what people’s opinions were about myself, my family, my work, my LIFE that at times I lost my own ability to have my own opinions. I just lost it. It was like when your in a good train of thought and all of a sudden you forget and you never actually remember what you were going to do.
Here’s how it went.
I’d ask someone what they thought about something, and by the end of the conversation my opinion had been altered. My thoughts on the certain subject had been forgotten about!
I turned to articles on google about certain subject’s and before I even finished I was asking myself why I thought the way I did before reading the article.
All of this created a world of fear because most people’s opinion are actually based around fear. The opinion to vaccinate you child, or not to vaccinate your child. Usually, in most cases they are created through a little tunnel of fear and by the end of it- your left with a decision based on fear as opposed to what you really, honestly and truly believe.
I used to be like this, I used to be that girl, that wife, and that mom who would honestly care so much about other people’s opinions that my entire thought process about everything had been altered by the opinions of others disregarding anything that I truly believe in. Especially opinions from my family and the people I care most about!
Until I learned something so valuable, so simple and so life changing. So powerful.
I was sitting in a seminar where I put myself in a position to learn from someone who had what I wanted. (firs steps to success- the most powerful thing I have ever done to invest in myself.)
I was sitting there when Dani Johnson said that you have to be so careful with the opinions you accept into your life. You have to look at the people who are giving you the opinions and ask yourself one question… “Do they have what you want?”
This changed my entire world. All of a sudden the opinions that people had given me did not matter anymore.
All the opinions I had accepted over even just the past year, I quickly thought about the person who gave them to me and I asked myself a simple question… “Do they have what I want?”
Next time when someone gave me their opinion about marriage, parenting, business, the health of my child, money, literally anything. The next time someone gave me an opinion about anything in my life- this goes for my family as well, I knew that I had to take a look at their life, look at the fruit and be able to discern if they have what I want. That is my responsibility.
If the person giving me marriage opinions has a marriage that I want, then absolutely I will listen to their opinions. If someone gives me an opinion about how I raise my child, or how I am a wife but they don’t have good relationships with their children and they talk about their husband behind their back. Then I will not listen to those opinions. I will not accept those opinions in my life. Because I know how quickly my opinion can change if I let it!
We all have a choice. No matter what in life, we are surrounded by opinions. People give their opinions like its literally their job. Like they are making money off the opinions they are giving!
And if your not careful they can totally fully alter your own opinions. They can change you. They can change the individual that you are, the wife that you are and the mom that you are!
But we all have a choice, and once you know and understand that, it is simple to thank the person for their opinion and kindly say I totally understand and that is your opinion, and that is okay that we have different opinions because we were all made differently, and we all come from different places, so I thank you for your thoughts, but I just don’t agree.
We are all humans, and we are all different. We all have different opinions, and people it is OKAY to have a different opinion than what your mom’s opinion is, or what your best friends opinion is. IT’S OKAY! We don’t have to all think the same, we aren’t robots. God created us all unique and we have all been on different paths in life, which has a huge impact on our opinions, so we can’t possibly think that we are all going to have the same opinions. That’s just ridiculous for us to think that way.
That’s just nonsense.
I appreciate the opinions you have and I love you! But that does not mean I need to agree with you :) Especially my family and loved ones who have different… WAY different opinions than I do.
The difference between the old me, is I would care so much about other’s opinions that it shaped my life, it shaped how I thought, how I was a wife, mom and business woman. It shaped me.
But they don’t anymore.
God’s opinion however totally shapes me.
When someone gives me an opinion I truly look at their life, I truly look at the fruit of their life, and I always ask myself if they have what I want before I accept their opinions. And If they have what I want in the area of where their opinion is stemming from, absolutely I will listen to what they have to say about it. I will put myself in a position to learn from them!
If they don’t have what I want, then I’ll just politely let them know that we are all different, and I understand where they are coming from, but I just don’t have the same opinion as them. I still love them obviously, we are just at different points in our lives and we have different opinions about certain things. And that is OKAY! We are different people. We work with different people then each other. We are married to different people. And we are parents to different people!
This whole concept has honestly changed me. I can think for myself, without the world having to play a part in that. My opinions are based off what I believe is best for my life and my family. My opinions are based off personal research, experience and what my oh so faithful God has to say! And of course the people around me that have exactly what I want in life!
We have to be very careful with the opinions that we are giving. If you are a single person and you are giving advice to a married couple, are you honestly giving good advice? Ask yourself that question. If you are married and your on the bridge of divorce and your giving your best friend marriage advice is it rooting from something good or bad? If you are giving advice about wether or not your family member should be doing something they are actively involved in, but you know nothing about it, is your opinion really of any value to them? Probably not.
So be careful who you are accepting opinions from, but vice versa be careful and considerate with the opinions you are giving.
Opinions are based off of personal experience. That’s all they are. So just make sure to do your own due diligence and look at the life of the person giving you advice before you consider accepting it and allowing it to change your own views!
If you truly care about the people you are giving advice and opinions to, make sure that they are actually going to benefit from them. And for the ones accepting the advice and opinions, really honestly look at that person and figure out if they have what you want!