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To the mom who has forgotten to be a wife...
To the mom who has forgotten to be a wife...
There are day's when I sit and rock our little baby and I wonder, if I'm doing everything right. Is he eating too much, is he peeing and pooping enough, is he happy, is he getting enough tummy time. And those are just the things I wonder in the present moment. There are a whole list of other things like, will he like me when he is older, will he have a good group of friends, will he be happy.
My whole world is now wrapped around this little being and my husband and I have full responsibility for him.
It's overwhelming at times.
My days are spent with him, and for the 30 minutes I get to spend away from him, or the dates my husband and I finally go on, my mind is still wrapped up in questions and thoughts about our Theo. Is he crying to much for the person watching him, when did he eat last, I hope he didn't explode through his onesie because we don't have any more clean ones. How is the babysitter handling everything? My boobs are so full right now, we need to get home so I can nurse him! (the things no one tells you before you have a baby....extra breast pads, that's all I have to say)
To the mom who has forgotten to be a wife....
There are day's when my husband comes home from a long day at work, and I still have a messy bun on my head and sweatpants with a shirt that is a completely different pattern. Have I even showered or brushed my teeth yet? There are days where getting out of bed, to go nurse and then sit on the floor and watch this little human is about all I do.
Like today for instance... I am currently wearing red plaid pyjama bottoms, and a blue and green polkadot button up pjay shirt. (and I was one of those people who said I'd only wear "sexy" pyjamas to bed when I get married.) Sitting on my living room floor while I try to get through this blog post before the baby realizes I'm not paying attention to him, and throws a little fit about it. (he's currently watching my fingers type this.)
Between the hours of being home alone with Theo, and the hours my husband is home with me, I have come to the realization that I have at times, forgot to be his wife.
I remember the day's I would wait anxiously in the living room waiting for him to get home because I missed him so much and just wanted to see him, now I still wait anxiously in the living room (or nursery because I am nursing Theo) but I wait anxiously because I can't wait for someone else to hold Theo. For someone else to watch him on the floor so he doesn't smoother his face into the carpet while I get a glass of water and just sit. Or scroll through my Instagram newsfeed. Or brush my teeth for the first time in the day.
I still love my husband, boy do I love him. Unfortunately I have forgotten to love him like I used to.
Has he noticed? I'm not sure.
To the mom who has forgotten to be a wife...
I know this is all just a season, and I am going to try harder to be his wife first and be Theo's mom second. So the next time my husband is kissing me and Theo is crying, the baby can wait.
The next time my husband is telling me about his day and Theo is crying, the baby can wait.
The next time my husband asks for a back massage because he spends a lot of his day lifting heavy equipment and Theo is crying, the baby can wait.
The next time my husband takes time out of his day to call me, and Theo is crying, the baby can wait.
The next time I am on a date with my husband, I'll try to keep my mind from being consumed with baby thoughts because the baby can wait.
The next time my husband comes home through that door, I'll be waiting for him anxiously because I can't wait to see him, not because I want someone to tend to the baby, but because I love him and I can't wait to hear about his day and just be his wife. And if Theo is crying, the baby can wait.
To the mom who has forgotten to be a wife...
You're not the only one, darling you are not the only one. And it is okay, because we are all trying to navigate this journey together, especially those first time moms (like myself) who has to begin new routines, and is learning every single day, because unfortunately there is no book to tell you step by step how to be a mom, and how to be a wife while you are a mom.
Just know that I'm rooting for you, to continue being the phenomenal mom that you are (because you are, have you seen the way your baby looks at you... you are his/her entire world!) But not to stop being the best wife to your husband. And we are in this together!
To the mom who has forgotten to be a wife... the baby can wait.